2001-06-12 - 4:56 p.m.

My towels are missing.

Two weeks ago I washed all my towels, rearranged my linen shelf (the top of a bookshelf near the bathroom). Since then, I have only used two towels. So this morning, I decided it was time for a fresh one, and when I went to get one, discovered that 4 or five towels (3/4 of all of them) were GONE. I asked M. if he knew where they were. No, check in the dirty laundry, he said. They weren't there. Nowhere to be found. Very very suspicious. Very weird. I sound like a paranoid maniac saying someone broke in and stole my towels, but what am I to think? One misplaced isn't noticable; two is understandable even, but five clean towels just vanishing...! Bizarro. That was the first time since moving out of my mom's house that I've actually had all my towels clean at once, too, new ones and hand-me-downs.

I don't know what to think.

Then at work, J., an employee who comes by to visit fairly often, started bugging S. about his tattoos. Talkin bout some, "when you gonna get those scars removed?" and shit. N goin', "Yeah, some people have asked me about them. _I_ don't care, but some people around here do." (Oh, right, N. _You_ never care, it's always the Others). S was like, "So? I like my tattoos and I'm gonna get more as soon as I can afford it." So J kept on him about it. I finally said, "Has anyone mentioned mine, N?" She was just like, "No." So S's tattoos are a big deal, but mine's not. And I don't think J even knew I had one, cause she's never asked me about it. You can like tattoos or not, but what I can't stand is when people assume they know why I got them. Or why anyone gets them. And it's usually a very unflattering assumption, like "for attention" or "to be an individual". No. Nice try. Dig deeper.

A tattoo is part of my personality that I took the care to give visual form and reinforce by permanent means. It's a promise, a vow, a memory. Something I like and want to make stronger, so it will never go away and so I will never forget that part of me. Even when my personality changes with age, my tattoos are at the very least a map of who I am and who I have been.

Many people have difficulty giving a principled reason for their choice to get a tattoo and choice of design, particularly if they picked it off a wall somewhere. I don't think much of that type of planning myself. It seems rather vapid. However, it is no less a statement of who you are than one carefully planned in advance.

The one I've been wanting to get for a few years now (but can't draw myself, can't afford) is a kicking donkey. I am a Jackass, I have to remind myself of that at times. Also, stubborn as a mule. I get set on my course and complete it regardless of difficulty that I encounter. Silly and headstrong, but a hard worker, too.

Finally, I believe the "linguistics? Who cares about linguistics?" portion of summer vacation has officially kicked in. I found myself browsing through houseboat ads on the internet and trying to figure out how I could make a living if I absconded with my student loan money, bought an old houseboat, and set off down the St. Johns. Or anchored offshore in NSB. I found myself thinking I could sell handmade paper to support myself. Yeah, RIGHT! Anything but English lessons will do.

Oh. Dontchaknow, my protocol was approved today. Well, I'll get right on that....

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