Wednesday, Oct. 19, 2005 - 6:03 p.m.

I'm very down today. My search for a new paper idea is going badly. The prof who didn't respond to my email said something in class that was funny yet mean and probably not aimed at me but I took it personally anyway, because I'm just in that kind of mood these days. The loss of self-confidence, feeling-like-a-loser mood that leads me to interpret everything in the darkest possible light.

And it's only Wednesday, but I'm really ready for Saturday, or Friday even, I don't have anything to do Friday. A day to stay in bed all day and mope. Cause, you know, that will really help me come up with a new angle on my paper.

So many things I am doing crappily. Obligations keep piling up and I discharge none of them. Very impressive.

Tonight I said I would go have half priced wine to welcome back someone from her dissertation fieldwork in Burkina Faso. Since I neglected to show up to her farewell party last year, I should go tonight. I said I would. Foul mood or no.

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