Wednesday, Dec. 28, 2005 - 9:38 p.m.

It is a difficult transition, going from the big happy family of J's (perfect, sometimes too perfect, too just right) to the pit of dysfunction that is my family.

J's family tries to talk to me about it sometimes, but they cannot understand. Not that their lives have been free of bullshit, that is not true of course. But there are some kinds of bullshit that have to be experienced to be believed.

I have to keep my wallet in my pocket the whole time I'm here.

Christmas was very nice. So nice I wish it were less nice so the contrast wouldn't be so sharp. They don't really go, as it is. There's a clash. Like mixing pastels with earthtones. Yech.

I feel like a poor kid who doesn't realize she's poor until she visits someone in the suburbs, and suddenly everything she knows looks so shabby in comparison.

Oh, I don't like it.

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