Friday, Nov. 03, 2006 - 7:52 a.m.

I have to tell the people in the department next week, to avoid being totally rude about the disposition of my spring AIship. I'm nervous. It makes it untakebackable. For keeps. Can't I just fade away? Do the grad student equivalent of not returning their phone calls? I'm still reeling from the reality of paying bills; I think, what will I do today to make this business work? And I got nothin. I'm not sure what to do. I have a number of ideas about things to make, it's the marketing and subsequent exchange of money bit that stymies me.

I was talking to my mom today (it occured to me that I'll have to tell her, too)-- she happened to ask about a student of J's who she met last Thanksgiving (in the context of asking me if I had any, like, firneds here, to which the answer was 'no, not really, now that they're all in Tanzania')-- anyway, this student recently quit her program. So I mentioned this, to see what the reaction would be. "I don't understand what you mean by "quit the program". "You know, she was studying this subject to get a PhD, and now she isn't going to anymore." "Oh! She's not going to finish?![sounding puzzled, as though she hadn't realized that a student is allowed to not finish once she has started] Well, what's she going to do?" "She's going to go to business school." "Oh. What kind of business is she going to study?" AAAGH. I don't think I can tell my mother. Even if it goes well in terms of her not putting up a fuss, there's just too much explanation. I don't like having to explain myself.

Oh well, I'm always a broken record of one kind or another, aren't I? "I'm scared of this! I'm worried about that! I like pumpkins!"

I stopped at the bead store on the way home from taking J to the airport yesterday-- the owner told me that the beading wire I have been using for everything ever since I began beading is too weak for ANY of the applications i have been using it in. Oh, and the crimp beads I like are also too soft, I should use the other ones. And I've been using my crimp pliers wrong. So I came away with heavier wire, new crimp beads, and a sinking feeling that I have been making faulty products all this time. Of course, consulting my experience tells me that I haven't personally ever had any of the problems that she describes, everything has held together nicely...but manufacturer's specs have to outrank anecdotal evidence.

�