Wednesday, Jun. 03, 2009 - 5:36 p.m.

I'm feeling so blah today. Really should be getting ready for the show but have only done a very few things.

Some spotting--ever so pale and light. The internet tells me spotting is not uncommon, but I should tell the doc. But it's so light, is it worth it? Won't they just tell me that unless I have pain and real bleeding, they'll see me at my appt in a week and a half? So I'm not calling them. But I've already been like, one day, "oh, I have cramps. Ack! Something's wrong!" and then the next day, "Oh, no cramps, no nothing. Ack! Something's wrong!" And so all day today I've been in a useless funk, going, "it's croaked again, I know it, and now I have to wait 2 weeks to find out."

Only at 5pm did it occur to me that perhaps my worry over this is part of the whole hormonal swinginess that people always talk about. It's funny, I'm like "hmm, they say increased appetite sometimes happens. But I didn't know I'd feel fucking HUNGRY all the time!" and now, "Hmm, they say mood swings are supposed to be part of this. But I didn't know that meant I'd be totally in the dumps on random days!". Duh. But the spotting hasn't helped any. The problem, of course, is that at this point, from a symptoms point of view, a dead-in-the-water pregnancy looks exactly like a just-fine pregnancy.

Blah, this is getting old already. Fuck you, embryo!
Update, Thursday morning: Feeling better mentally, still spotting. called the doc and they said exactly what I thought they would-- it's probably implantation bleeding, but let us know if it gets painful or increases. If not, see you at your regularly scheduled appointment. Brought me a little peace of mind, but not much. But what the hell.

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