Wednesday, Mar. 14, 2018 - 7:32 a.m.

Despite the success of the weight loss and the satisfaction of getting my jewelry practice going again, I’m really having a hard time. I remember being able to do tasks I can’t seem to do now. Am I just not ambitious enough anymore? I didn’t stop caring. I just...don’t. Can’t. Even stuff like having them do reading practice, I just don’t have the fight in me anymore. U likes reading practice, but he won’t do it unless Q has, and I can’t chase her around with a book all afternoon.

I get 5-6 hours of sleep, usually— last night it was more like 4.5— and by dinner time I am done. I don’t know how I should count the nap I get before bedtime, I do get one. An hour here, 15 minutes there. Worn to the bone.

My kind neighbor gave me the number for a friend and homeschooler whose oldest daughter does babysitting and is reportedly down to try with my kids. But...a phone number. What do I do with it. I consider whether I should explain, and decide that it defies explanation, really.

On phone is one thing. Talking in general is often more tiring than it used to be. I find myself wishing I could just text and hold up my phone most of the time. Not that I can’t articulate, usually, but it’s like wading through deep water. Can I just not. If I am having a good conversation with J, that is the exception, the words still flow. Apart from that I long for silence.

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