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Thursday, May. 23, 2019 - 8:56 a.m.

Out of my normal tea today because the emergency order hasn’t arrived yet. I have a blend which is a blend of the right tea and _an afternoon tea_, which makes it all wrong. I hope I can get through it somehow.

Yesterday. Two incidents with my mother and the kids. One time when I had gone upstairs to self-regulate, one time when I had gone to lay down after dinner because I wasn’t going to be able to make it through till bedtime otherwise. Literally can’t leave her with them for 5 minutes.

The first time she inadvertently hurt E while he was trying to whack her with something. Fine; been there, done that. But what was upsetting was that he was lying on the ground crying “you HURT me! You can’t HURT me!” And she ignored him, and then later he brought it up and I heard her explain in a very condescending and self-satisfied voice that he had upset her. No apology even implied.

There is a certain amount of “you came at me. I defended myself, if it hurt you, that’s what you get.” With an adult. BUT NOT WITH A 4 YEAR OLD. And I can’t believe I have to fucking explain why. Because I don’t want him to grow up to be an 89 year old that thinks hurting little kids is ok sometimes.

I don’t even have the energy to get into the second incident; suffice it to say that U goes out of his way to antagonize her because she always makes a power struggle out of it.

Ironic, innit?

She also criticizes my parenting to their faces. As she does whatever shitty thing she’s doing. And then rubs their noses in what happened later to try to remind them of how she put them in their place. Fuck, she is triggering.

J comes back on Sunday; mom has to go up to Phx Saturday. I’d just relieve her of her “helping” duties but I really need to go get some groceries so we have stuff to eat for the next few days. All out of fruit. Idk.

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