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Saturday, Jul. 08, 2023 - 8:26 p.m.

I talked to the in-laws about going to Wales this evening. Why Wales? Why not different places? I explained that I can’t just go to new places, and how the first time I was there I barely managed to feed myself because I couldn’t go into restaurants and only went into a grocery store at the end. But now I’ve gone to grocery stores and maybe next time I will be able to do a restaurant (I doubt it, honestly, but it sounded good to say). “Well but do they have takeaway there?” And I explained that takeaway, too, would be just as unapproachable as a restaurant if I haven’t been there before.

I talked about how now I can use the bus and the train and have walked all around and so can see more places than before. How I’ve just gotten warmed up, really, and having to start over every time would not be a fun thing for me.

“Well what if J went with you?” And then I got to explain about how I actually prefer traveling alone and why, how I don’t like having to take anyone else’s preferences or agenda into consideration. That I do like traveling with J, but I also like traveling by myself, and Wales is where I go to travel by myself. We compared notes on how while they would almost always have more fun doing things WITH someone else, and have to work on enjoying doing things alone, I almost always enjoy myself more ALONE and have to work towards learning to enjoy myself with others. I think they will be mulling it over for a while.

We also discussed my memory issues today a bit. Stuff my MIL reports as changes she’s noticed in her memory as she ages, I have experienced literally my entire life. Yes it can be the case that my memory was NEVER as good (let alone my executive functioning) and no one knows it because I don’t make a big deal about it. (We were talking about my mom and her memory issues and how yes, I know it’s worse because she’s 93 and I don’t mean to minimize it, but she’s not the only one in the world to have memory problems. I just have no interest in complaining about mine to anyone, so they all assume there are no issues).

Honestly I don’t ever want to complain about my brain. I want to learn about it and be able to communicate about it and figure out accomodations and workarounds. But complaining about it? No. Maybe it’s the hubris of youth. But there are better places to put my energy.

All this conversation because I made dinner. It was… a lot of talking and noise. I’m done now.

My new shoes arrived today (the Lems!) and are very comfortable and I’m feeling optimistic about them. They are the blue ones because they were out of black. It’s supposed to rain tomorrow but if it’s not in the morning I will go for a walk in them and see. If not tomorrow, Monday.

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