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Language Log

Friday, Dec. 28, 2012 - 7:18 a.m.

J and I were having a discussion over the likelihood of his parents moving here at some point. Not soon, and they haven't really reconciled themselves to us being here for the duration, are still hoping we'll find a way to move back east. But probably in a few years they will come. Whereas we were very disappointed when we discussed it in June, but now I'm liking it better. I mean, if we could move to NC, I would, but an option like returning to Bloomington is not as appealing as it was. (Especially now that I keep reading about their winter storms on FB, while my citrus is nearing ripeness on the trees. But speak to me again in June, when Bloomington has better corn and tomatoes and peaches.)

Wait, I wasn't talking about food. Where was I?

Oh yes, anticipating the stress that would come from living in the same town as all our parents.

I was particularly worried about homeschooling and doing project-based version. I mean, I must grant that they raised two intellectually curious, knowledge/learning-loving sons, so I can't pretend they don't know something about that. J thinks that once they accept the homeschooling thing, they'll be on board with our approach. I guess my worry comes down to this: they love to be in charge. They try to take over everything. It's their nature. They don't always mean to, and sometimes they are very conscious of it and try very hard not to (for example, during wedding planning she gave me a safe word, so to speak, to use when I wanted her to back off), but without active pushback, it always happens. And the necessity of constant, active pushback is exhausting to me, as you know.

So with homeschooling there are at least 2 issues-- one is me & J's control over the enterprise in general, and the other is in the context of project-based learning, Q's being able to make her own way. J doesn't think it'll be a problem, but I remain extremely skeptical.

Of course they would bring a lot of good with them, too. Help for us in terms of childcare, wonderful role models in many respects. They have strengths that we don't. Also just a good relationship and lots of good memories of their grandparents, which may be more important than any other consideration. That's not something I have, so it's easy for me to dismiss it. But if I pause to think about it at all, clearly it should not be underestimated as a significant, long lasting good. Our children will treasure their memories of them forever. I shouldn't begrudge them the chance to have an abundance of such memories.

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