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Sunday, Jul. 14, 2019 - 7:45 a.m.

Failed attempt to go to farmers market yesterday. First I didn’t find the place I had expected to park. Then I had trouble with my phone because it wouldn’t update the map and I couldn’t tell which way I should be going. I walked back and forth on the street several times trying to sort it out. Then I had to pee and realized I no longer had time to walk to the market and back before the meter expired, and I wasn’t sure how to add more money to the meter and didn’t want to figure it out. I decided to come home instead. The stench of the spray-on sunscreen burnt my nostrils in the car and by the time I got home all I could think of was showering to remove all traces of it. Also I was upset about it all.

Later J asked me what happened, what we could have done differently so I would have been able to go. I used to be able to just use a regular map, which was what I still had even if the location didn’t update.

I don’t know what to tell you, other than that I was upset and felt done with it all. My sense is that I had been nervous about going in the first place. That I had a particular sequence of events in mind and by the time I was flustered about that, I wasn’t sure it was going to be worth it to press on. If the time on the meter hadn’t been an issue I would have just sat in the car, calmed, and tried again. But that tick-tick-tick of time wasting was just one thing too many. I was just DONE. Approaching a new farmers market is in itself a bit stressful and I didn’t see the point of pushing myself to get there if I was going to be too on edge to perform a transaction.

Next time, buy more time on the meter than I think I’ll need, I guess.

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