Monday, Nov. 27, 2023 - 7:36 a.m.

Yesterday we went to an art show. It was really crowded and I was overwhelmed immediately. If I could have sat on a bench for an hour and people-watched I could have worked up to enjoying it, I love people watching in my own time. But not with my family there, that can’t happen.

Anyway, I also noted that prices were still what they were 15 years ago. Inflation for everyone but artists.

I feel I won’t be doing shows again. Honestly I don’t think I can compete. Not enough variety in my offerings. Not enough commitment to the bit. Maybe I should try to fix those things. Maybe not. I don’t know. I should have gone by myself and sat and looked, really looked at how the booths were and who was looking at what and what people were wearing.

When I got home, anxious to the point of not speaking, flappy and agitated, I hooked myself up to the Pulsetto and it really did calm me down. More than just sitting in the dark for 6 minutes would have. I wanted to still be worked up a little but I just wasn’t. I tried turning up the intensity and that was unpleasant, though.

The brushes. I tried to visualize them at the art show and I couldn’t. I can’t imagine I’ll be able to get the price I need to for them. Not wholesale. If I were just selling them myself retail, maybe. But not wholesale. But I’ve just established I don’t want to do shows again and we all know retail online isn’t my strong suit. So I don’t know. A lot of it is context. I do feel retailers could get more depending on their overall vibe and location. But I don’t know. Even though the response has overall been positive, as I would expect it to be among my Facebook friends. There’s bias there and kindness and thank goodness for that but in this case I do also specifically want to sell things.

I wish I could trust my creative brain to only have good ideas, or at least only become excited about the good ideas.

Maybe I should just keep going with it, make them as good as I can, offer them, and see. I just don’t want to sink more resources into it if it’s fundamentally a non-starter.

E did his first sleepover at a friend’s this weekend. He had a great time. His friend is a girl and I’m so happy that that’s an option now. When I was a kid it wouldn’t have been considered an option, even at age 8. Progress of some kind.

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