Monday, Jan. 01, 2024 - 8:40 p.m.

After I told her I didn’t want to go to dinner with her neighbors today, she called today and left a message that said she decided I should come and to throw the kids in the car and come have dinner with her and her neighbor.

Anyway, no. I didn’t attend that argument.

At Christmas I had spent a lot of time reflecting on how she couldn’t allow someone to even graciously not love a present she gave. How she pushes and pushes with “just try it” or “how do you know?” Or “I want to see it on you anyway” EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. And the dinner thing, that’s part and parcel with that. She’s decided what she wants from you, which may be to have her pretend ideal doting family or allow her to put on a display of care in the way SHE wants to do, without reference to what you need or want.

Anyway, it’s all making me second guess myself a lot. Maybe I am the jerk. Why can’t I just be kind to her? Why not? Even if it’s at the expense of my mental health. How bad can it be for me? Because she’s old, she’s old, and it sucks for her, never forget that. (She was always like this or it wouldn’t set me off the way it does.) It’s my responsibility and my duty to make her happy. Right. Right?

No, no, my isolation has always been self-care and she has never respected that.

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